*This is a short story that runs about ten typed pages. It is a series of emails among coworkers. Enjoy. -Chels*
Date: Tues 13 Jan 13:16:54 EST 2009
From: “Mason, Barbara (Barb2)”
Subject: Incident occurring January 5th
To: “Pickens, Stephen (SPickens)”
Dear Sir:
This is the last time you will ever hear from me. I am writing to you concerning the incident which occurred Monday, January 12, 2009. Yes, that incident. And, because of that incident, we are no longer acquaintances outside of work. Good day, sir.
Sincerely,
Barb Mason, Head of Human Resource Management at Fencing, Inc.
***
Date: Tues 13 Jan 13:36:57 EST 2009
From: “Pickens, Stephen (SPickens)”
Subject: RE: Incident occurring January 5th
To: “Mason, Barbara (Barb2)”
Dear Barbara,
I just received your email, and I am at a loss for words. Truly, I do not know what you are talking about… I can hardly recall January 5th. Are you talking about that afternoon when I met you for coffee at Café Marie’s? There is little I remember of that day other than you seemingly quieter than usual. I attributed it to work picking up more and more contracts and brushed it off as weariness. Is everything okay?
Yours Truly,
Steve Pickens, Assistant Director of Human Resources at Fencing, Inc.
***
Date: Tues 13 Jan 14:04:12 EST 2009
From: “Mason, Barbara (Barb2)”
Subject: RE: Incident occurring January 5th
To: “Pickens, Stephen (SPickens)”
To Sir:
I don’t even know why I’m writing this. You know what you did. Don’t pretend you don’t…
I remember it quite clearly, how couldn’t I? The sun shone through the painted windows at a slant. I wrestled my cup from the tabletop, which was sticky from the last people that had sat there. My chair was broken, and I teetered back and forth. I waited six minutes for you. You were late. You don’t care about anyone but yourself. I was waiting! Waiting! Waiting! Like I always do for you. You are constantly showing up late. Now do you remember?
Sincerely,
Barb Mason, Head of Human Resource Management at Fencing, Inc.
***
Date: Tues 13 Jan 14:52:37 EST 2009
From: “Pickens, Stephen (SPickens)”
Subject: RE: Incident occurring January 5th
To: “Mason, Barbara (Barb2)”
Dear Barbara,
That is what this is all about? As I explained to you, I was visiting my mother in the nursing home, and I accidentally knocked over her flower vase. I had to clean that up before I met you. If you recall, I’ve told you how poor mother’s mental state is before. In her condition, she could have gotten into the mess and cut herself.
Allow me to extend my apologies for my tardiness. Truly, my intentions were not to inconvenience you. It will never happen again.
Yours Truly,
Steve Pickens, Assistant Director of Human Resources at Fencing, Inc.
***
Date: Tues 13 Jan 15:29:45 EST 2009
From: “Mason, Barbara (Barb2)”
Subject: RE: Incident occurring January 5th
To: “Pickens, Stephen (SPickens)”
To Sir:
Oh now you’re going to pull the “sick mother” card on me here? Please. We both know that your mother is capable of picking things up for herself. And why do you pay for the nursing home if they are not there to take care of her? I’m always second priority to you. Like today, when I saw you in the hallway. Did you say hello? No! You just went about your business…
You’re misunderstanding my other emails. I was sitting in the café at the only table available. The sun was setting so the light landed in my eyes. My chair was rickety, and I had been waiting forever. You blew in through the revolving door. The splotch of hair you have left on top of your hair was tangled right in between your eyes and your tie was flung over your shoulder. You didn’t even have the decency to fix your skewed glasses. Then your suitcase opened and all the contents spilled out all over the floor. You looked over at me and mouthed sorry, bent, and replaced everything. Then you walked over to the table. By this time, your tie was practically like a noose around your neck. You came over to shake my hand. And, then, THEN, you leaned forward to say something and that’s when your foot fell on top of mine. I tried jerking mine free, but you just kept standing there like some idiot who’s standing in the most repugnant pile of dog crap in the world and is completely oblivious of it. How can you not remember that?
Sincerely,
Barb Mason, Head of Human Resource Management at Fencing, Inc.
***
Date: Tues 13 Jan 16:26:22 EST 2009
From: “Pickens, Stephen (SPickens)”
Subject: RE: Incident occurring January 5th
To: “Mason, Barbara (Barb2)”
Dear Barbara,
Need I remind you that we are fellow employees and nothing else? What would your children think if they were to read these letters? And I do not recall seeing you in the hallway, I was in my office all day… the only time I stepped out was to make a copy run. Nevertheless, I remember everything at the café now. I walked in, having ran through the parking lot, knowing I was late. My tie caught in the revolving door, because I was in such a hurry to get there, so it was twisted behind my head. My hands were cold because it was only fourteen degrees outside. The leather handle of my suitcase was even colder from being stored in my trunk, and I accidentally let go in my rush. That’s when all of my paperwork spilled hither-thither on floor. I bent down to pick it up, restoring the contents, before striding forth to find you seated at a small round table next to the window. You had ignored the caveat atop the lid of your cup, so you burnt your tongue on your hot cocoa. You were complaining about that. You kept spreading your hands over your suit like you were trying to smooth out any possible wrinkles in it. Then you took your hands and brushed your red curls behind your ears before going back to that obnoxious blue suit you were wearing and fiddling with that again. We were there to discuss the buying out of Laurie’s Fences, and I leaned forward to tell you that that company had already been acquired by another. But the sun. The damn sun lowered itself at just that moment and blinded me. That’s when I leaned forward and accidentally stepped on your toe, which I do apologize for; however, you must admit that this has gone a little further than it needed to go. If you had just said something at the moment the offense occurred… well, we don’t need to get into that now.
Good day,
Steve Pickens, Assistant Director of Human Resources at Fencing, Inc.
***
Date: Tues 13 Jan 17:01:03 EST 2009
From: “Mason, Barbara (Barb2)”
Subject: RE: Incident occurring January 5th
To: “Pickens, Stephen (SPickens)”
To Sir:
No! No! No! You’re missing it completely. Can I paint a clearer picture for you? Honestly, it’s hard to imagine that you even graduated high school. I should have dumped your ass a long time ago. Let me spell it out for you:
You walked in all torn up by the wind. Then you dropped your suitcase. Crap spills everywhere. You’re late like you always are. Then you walk over, step squarely on my foot, and sit down without apologizing. The sun came in, blinding us both. That’s when you started muttering about how All Fencing had taken Laurie’s or something or another. You were waving your hands in the air like a chimpanzee in the trees. It shouldn’t have been a surprise when you knocked my coffee cup over, spilling it all over my lap and ruining my skirt. I could have taken your head right then and there! But, being the forgiving person that I am, I ignored the grievance. That’s not even what this is about. No. This is about how we sat there, discussing business, for two hours straight. Need I remind you that your hand brushed mine as we struggled to eradicate the coffee staining my suit? Need I remind you that I am your superior here and that that could constitute as sexual harassment?
I sat there and talked to you forever. Then we shook hands and left. That’s when I went back to the office and the truth came out. I was sitting at my desk, and Sherri, my receptionist, entered to inform me that clients were waiting to meet with me in the lobby. To her absolute horror, she saw it. Right there. On me the entire time. There, in between my front tooth and eye tooth, was a piece of bacon; it had apparently escaped complete consumption during breakfast that morning before we had coffee. And, you! You never had the decency to tell me. There! I said it. How dare you even pretend not to remember?
And, as for avoiding me in the hallway earlier, our eyes locked, sir. You saw me, your impish face turned the same color red as my hair, and you ducked into the coffee lounge. Naturally, I followed you. You kept darting glances over your shoulder at me. Finally, you spun around, nearly knocking me in the face with your monkey arms. Then you said, “What?” like you thought I wanted something. Well, I didn’t. Rest assured, I will never want anything from you again!
Sincerely,
Barb Mason, Head of Human Resource Management at Fencing, Inc.
***
Date: Wed 14 Jan 10:13:14 EST 2009
From: “Pickens, Stephen (SPickens)”
Subject: RE: Incident occurring January 5th
To: “Mason, Barbara (Barb2)”
To Barbara:
Firstly, I would like to inform you that WE ARE NOT DATING. Therefore, you cannot dump me. How absolutely absurd this has become! Secondly, when we met each other in the hallway, I was on my way to make a copy, and, you, happening to see me from your office (or maybe you just felt my presence with your special stalker senses), popped out from around the corner. It nearly jolted me so terribly that I almost lost my coffee cup. Meeting your manic eyes and seeing your incredibly disheveled locks like a communications tower on top of your head, I knew at once that your craziness was on the prowl. Taking due note, I ducked as fast I could into the nearest room, which happened to be the lounge. So, I guess you were right about one thing, I was AVOIDING you. And, rightly so, because you followed me in there and proceeded to shoot me with a barrage of questions about my whereabouts the night prior. Imagine in a high-pitched voice: “Where were you when I called?” “The nursing home said you hadn’t been there in a couple days…” “The lights in your house weren’t on between 9:03 p.m. and 10:24p.m., what were you doing and who were you with?” I said “What?” because your double personality was getting the best of you again. I WILL REPEAT MYSELF ONCE MORE. I AM NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND. Need I remind you that I am a fellow employee? Nay, a respectable businessman, and, that said, I will not tolerate being treated like some stalker-hooligan-ex-boyfriend. So I feel it incumbent upon me to inform you that due to your repulsive actions and horrendous way of dealing with this “offense” I resign from the company. Good day to you ma’am!
Happily Your Non-acquaintance,
Steve Pickens, Assistant Director of Human Resources at Fencing, Inc.
P.S. By the time you receive this letter, I will have changed my email address, phone number, and even my home address, so you can forget about tracking me down, leaving messages on my phone, or even sending me those love e-cards. I won’t get them.
***
Date: Wed 14 Jan 12:11:54 EST 2009
From: “Mason, Barbara (Barb2)”
Subject: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To: “Pickens, Stephen (SPickens)”
To Mr. You’re-The-Stalker-Not-Me-Pansy-Ass-Lazy-Son-Of-A-You-Know-What-EX-Boyfriend:
YOU FILED A SEXUAL HARRASSMENT COMPLAINT? Bob came to see me today. He told me about everything… the claim, the lies you’re spreading about me… he took my computer to investigate the correspondence between us. So I guess the joke’s on you! The truth will come out when he sees the emails between us… everyone will know what you have done! You’ll be blacklisted, then you’ll have to come back!
-Barb Mason
P.S. It was not a “barrage” of questions. I was merely curious as to your whereabouts… the cookies I’d
baked for you that night were getting cold.
***
Date: Wed 14 Jan 13:14:59 EST 2009
From: “Mason, Barbara (Barb2)”
Subject: Kindly reply, sir!
To: “Pickens, Stephen (SPickens)”
You didn’t reply…
***
Date: Wed 14 Jan 14:01:33 EST 2009
From: “Mason, Barbara (Barb2)”
Subject: Hello?????!!
To: “Pickens, Stephen (SPickens)”
Stephen…? Are you there?
***
Date: Thurs 15 Jan 09:07:00 EST 2009
From: “Mason, Barbara (Barb2)”
Subject: Baby?
To: “Pickens, Stephen (SPickens)”
Dear Stephen—
I stopped by your office the other day to talk to you and to see if you wanted to get lunch, but then I remembered that you weren’t there… so then I went to your house and you weren’t there either. You haven’t picked up your paper in a while… I tried your phone, too, and you didn’t answer. I even went to the nursing home to ask your mother where you were, and they said she changed care centers!
…Now, Stephen, I want you to know that you should have no fear about losing me… I hired a private investigator to find where you are. Despite the fact that you were late, that you stepped on my toe, spilled coffee all over me, and didn’t tell me about the you-know-what, even the fact that you filed a sexual harassment complaint against me, doesn’t matter anymore because I’ve forgiven you. And I’m going to find you. We are going to be together forever. You and me. Always.
Love,
Barb
-Chels
